In mist of all the free time that I now enjoy, I find a distinct sense of longing for the hectic school life. When my life was plunged in the school life of busy, staying up late for five consecutive nights, burning my brain over five different disciplines, I was in desperate need to take a break, a nice long break. When that break finally hugs me with open arms, I want to go back.

Perhaps it’s the cry of loneliness that I can’t resist from hearing as the sun sets every evening. When I was in school, there were people. I met people everyday. Now I’m alone. The silence is so loud that it’s deafening my ears. Maybe it’s the social contact that I’m longing for. But even when I was in school, I never really had a true friend. I had friends, but I don’t even know their last names. My desire to smell the sweet scent of emotional attachment for someone grows as I sit here and type these words.

Or perhaps the reason I find the hectic school life attractive lies somewhere else. Maybe I want to dull my senses from feeling emotional attachment. When I have two assignments due in two days and a presentation due in end of the week, an appointment with a professor at 3 o’clock, and a quiz on every Thursday, I don’t have time to think about myself, no time to project myself on a piece of blank paper and draw an outline of what I want from my life. School provides as a drug to dull my emotional senses and forget what I want.

Maybe I’m thinking too much. Or maybe there’s a flaw in my way of life, or flaw in my way of reasoning. But whatever it may be, there’s one thing that’s clear; my only friend is loneliness.